Jeff the man [8/19]

The stats are dry, the year by year summaries, a mostly numerical compendium of this game we play with dice.  But there’s so much more.  You spend hours next to a person twice a year for 25 years…it adds up.  Here are our collective thoughts and memories of playing Jeff, the man.

From Matt: I'll never forget a series at his house where just the two of us "sampled" his homemade zinfandel well into the evening.

I always scheduled my 2^nd half series over his house.  Inevitably it’d be really wintry and cold.  I think Hopkinton gets even more snow than Holliston. The randomness of global warming days had yet to ever hit my travels to his house.  I’ll miss the repetition of going over there in midwinter.  It was something to count on.  Weird that it’s gone.

Without a doubt, the funniest moment in SOMBILLA draft history involved Jeff. It was at the 2015 draft, 7th round- Jeff announced that he was drafting erstwhile 22-year old prospect Oscar Tavares, who had died tragically in a car accident the previous October. There's a pause, then Tom says "You do realize he's dead, right?" Howls of laughter ensued and we let him make another pick.

From Harold: He had a fantastic sense of pop culture. I had a pitcher, Jarrod Washburn, who whenever he started Jeff said Here comes D.W. Washburn" - D.W. Washburn being the name of an obscure 1968 Monkees single. Of calling three straight strike outs in an inning (K-K-K) a Carver after Daniel Carver, frequent guest on the Howard Sterrn Show and Ku Klux Klan member.

From Jed: A generic memory is that typically I/we would predict Jeff to finish last and he would basically respond go f___ yourselves and proceed to beat the tar out of me when we played.

The last World Series I played in was against Jeff. I felt sure I would win. I had the better team Jeff shouldn’t have even made the playoffs. I took the first game, as I recall, and proceeded to lose the series 4 games to 2. Once again underestimating Jeff....

From Clint: My memories are more distant; however, I clearly remember his wry sense of humor and can still hear his distinct chuckle when laughing.

From Tom:  My first year in the league, Jeff and I decided to have a beer or two in the hot tub after our series.  I had a bit of a back spasm issue and was opining that we should just play our entire series in the hot tub next time.  Jeff laughed and made some joke about bubbles and wet cards.  I said “We could laminate them..”

I think we only did one more après series hot tub, but the lamination of my team(s) had its start in chlorine and beer fumes…

I could always count on one or two times in the season where we would end up outside just doing the family chat – parents in the Rochester Area, kids, wives, new job, job hunt – whatever was the latest thing - in the cold.  He would always tease me that I had to start a conversation after we left whoever’s warm comfortable table…

From Randy: Knowing someone through the SOMBILLA is odd. You see the others 3 times a year (two series, draft, occassional playoffs). You meet as opponents. But before you know it this has gone on for 20+ years (twice that for some founders). You get glimpses of a person's family life and maybe career or hobby, and their taste in beer. Never really reflected on this until now.

My memory of Jeff to share is the one time we met outside of the context of the SOMBILLA. Jeff and Amy attended a sketch comedy that Arnie and I were both in in Ashland two years ago this winter. They were dressed for a night on the town, had a bit to drink, and were having a great time. It opened my eyes as to how they were as a couple, and how entertaining they were (for others and each other). Grateful for this memory, and so sad there was not time to spend more of this sort of time together.

From Robin: I tried to look this up on the website (what? we have a website) but couldn't find the correct year and didn't want to spend too much time on this. Several years ago, Jeff couldn't be at the draft (possibly to attend one of Reese's diving competitions) and Tom created a "Draft-o-Matic," which we used to draft for Jeff. However, at some point the Draft-o-Matic failed (none of the players Jeff had designated were available or Jeff had an extra draft pick that wasn't accounted for or something) and we had to contact Jeff for his pick(s). I was chosen/volunteered to do this because perhaps Tom was still drafting/scouting and I was done?--not sure. I also can't even remember if I was talking to him on the phone or just texting back and forth. Anyway, it was a late-round pick, one that you would typically use for an unheralded rookie you had a good feeling about or a one-year-wonder to fill a need for your team, but Jeff said to draft Bartolo Colon (who was neither), and I responded something like "Are you sure you want to draft Bartolo Colon?," thinking that he was maybe confusing him for someone else, but Jeff did indeed want to draft the aged Colon.I don't recall what the league's response to his choice was.

     From Arnie: Not that I doubt your memory but I searched the file that has all draft analyses <=2013 for "Colon" and could not see anywhere where Jeff drafted him. I remembered that same draft where we drafted E. Santana for him with conflicting information and he was OK with it. Yet I could not find any draft where he drafted E. Santana <queue twilight zone theme>

Speaking of the twilight zone, this reminds me of the time many many years ago, when Jeff was at our house and one of his dice rolled off the table under the baseboard.  We searched for quite a while and could not find it.  For years afterward, he would comment about his missing die that had apparently travelled into another dimension.  We had the floors redone but no dice were found.  One summer day a couple of years ago, out of the blue, his die appeared.  We have no idea how it got there or what it had been doing all this time, but I presented it to him.  He was incredulous.

From Eric: My curious friendship with Jeff

I wish I could tell my classic Jeff story, except I don’t have one. At least none that’s come to mind since Arnie asked us to submit our tributes. I’ve rummaged around the junk in my head for two weeks now looking for something that jumps out and all I’ve found are scattered impressions. They’re not vague; they’re just here and there and, in the depths of our sadness, suddenly too few….

***

The Baker

Jeff came down to Plymouth for a series last year right before Hanukkah and he (the Catholic) and Sue (the Jew) spent in the neighborhood of ten minutes talking about the challenges and rewards of baking the perfect latkes. “It’s a cultural identity thing,” Sue said. “I’m reconnecting to my roots. But I follow the recipes, and they come out like shit.” Jeff spoke eloquently about cooking oils, oven temps, spuds, spices, and scoffed at frozen latkes, Sue’s suggestion as a last resort.

“Crap,” he said.

“You really know latkes, Jeff.”

 “I have lots of Jewish friends,” he said.

“Of which I’m one,” I said, shaking the dice in my hand.

***

The Perfect Host

Speaking of holidays, I believe I played at Jeff’s every December since he and Amy moved to Hopkinton. Christmas at the Donahue McMansion. It was like stepping into a snow globe. One night he answered the door and someone was playing holiday lounge music on a piano in a room somewhere off the foyer. Really good holiday lounge music.

 “Izzat one of the kids?”

“Nope.” He led me into a parlor. (A parlor?!) In the shadows was a baby grand piano, with no one at the piano seat, save maybe a Dickensian ghost. “It’s a player piano.”

“Holy shit, Jeff! That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!”

 “It can play hundreds of tunes. We listen to it all the time.”

“Man, am I jealous.” And I was. I had just bought about a half-dozen jazz CDs to play on my new Bose wave radio, and was pretty much mainlining them round the clock. “So let me get this straight. You can play anyone on this? Like Bill Evans or Art Tatum?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“This is heaven. I feel like I’m at a bar.”

“Want a drink. Before I kick your ass?”

***

No lie: until last year, I needed to use my GPS every time I traveled to Jeff’s in Hopkinton. What is that, like a dozen years or so? It’s not that there were a lot of turns once you got off the highway; there are more turns driving to Arnie and Robin’s, and there’s nothing to compare with the North Shore Slog up to frickin’ Marblehead…

I think it was the lone, narrow, winding road, cut through the dark woods, and the too-wide SUVs barreling at me, and then the sub-development maze of giant brick homes and roads that snaked up a near-treeless hillside to Everett Circle, that just made it impossible for directions to stick.

“You still don’t know how to get here by memory?” Jeff would razz me.

“I can’t figure it out. How do you find your way home. I’m just grateful to get here. I need a beer.”

***

Let’s get serious…which is something I was kinda hoping to avoid. This tribute to Jeff has been difficult for me to write. Arnie’s deadline has been weighing on me, and I feel badly that I’ve held him up.

Anyway…

Sue and I have some friends visiting from North Carolina. They’re staying on the Cape, and Wednesday night we met up with them at another friend’s house. All these people are musicians, and the house we visited has a music studio in the basement, and the evening was spent listening to a couple of them jam. We’ve done this a number of times, and it’s cool to have such talented friends. But truth be told, there have been some nights where I’ve found this tedious, in part because they often play original songs that just don’t do it for me, crummy as I feel saying that. Plus, it’s loud and hard to talk.

After an interminable amount of time fussing with the speakers and woofers, control panels and syncing pre-recorded tracks, they played a rather long, loud set. About a minute or so into the third or fourth song I began to get that familiar itch that now would be a good time to wrap things up. But my friends apparently don’t get to play in front of an audience that often—even an audience of five—and the songs just kept coming. And I kept getting antsier.

And then something curious happened. For lack of a better description, the room got deeper, the sound got richer, the moment slowed, and the antsy-ness faded into a kind of bliss, a feeling of wellbeing and gratitude. And in this moment of wellbeing and gratitude I thought of Jeff. And the thought was obvious, something we always say to each other after a terrific loss: value the moment, treasure what’s in front of you, because you never know when it’ll be gone…

I love my friends. All my friends. But we don’t usually say stuff like this because we’re buttoned up in an I-don’t-feel-comfortable-saying-this sort of way. But there you have it. On the way home I brought this up and it seems Sue had the same feelings—a deep connection to the moment and the people in it, and a profound appreciation for it. I called it the Jeff Effect. And now I always will.

Lastly, below is a link to a video, to commemorate Jeff’s love of latkes…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=z2GOrdxCm6Q

Champions League* [7/24]

The SOMBILLA has had five different champions over the past 5 seasons – Robin, Tom, Arnie, Sam, and Randy.  So, I threw them all into one Recent Champions League.  But then I decided it’d be more fun to let others play.  Just a scant 8 years ago, Jeff won the SOMBILLA Championship, so I added his ’15-16 team to the mix from beyond the grave.

Shockingly, Eric with 9 SOMBILLA Championships (second only to RAT’s 12) now has a 12-year drought.  He last won the league with The Cheddarmen in 2011-2012.  Harold’s last championship was the year before that in ’10-11.  So I threw them into the Champions League.

* That leaves poor Jed.  His last championship was with Shithead in 1984-1985.  Even if wanted to purchase the 1983 card set ($30!), I would have to travel back to Holliston and try to find the stats in the attic to recreate his team.  Probably doable but way too much effort.  But it seemed unfair to not let Jed play, so I went back to the ’19-20 season when Oceanus lost the World Series to Randy in 6 games, and let Jed use that team. Hence the asterisk.

So, here’s the lineup:

2023-2024 Bay City

2022-2023 Constantinople

2021-2022 North Dakota

2020-2021 Neverwinter

2019-2020 Future Wax

2019-2020 Oceanus

2015-2016 “What Eric Said?”

2011-2012 The Cheddarmen

2010-2011 New Orleans

The oldest three teams played in leagues that used a 25-man roster, but I gave each team a 26-man roster based on the final stats of the 26 most used players. Actual ballparks played in of course (another reason to not include the 85 Shithead team – we didn’t even use ballparks back then! ).  I also used the pre-2020 rules (no ghost runner or three batter reliever rule, since the majority of these teams didn’t use them.

I set up a 160 game schedule. Here are the standings through April 30:

LEAGUE STANDINGS FOR 2024 Champions League

                            WON LOST  PCT   GB  MAGIC#

19-20 Oceanus OCE             18  10  .643 ----   133 

11-12 The Cheddarmen CHE      15  10  .600  1.5       

10-11 New Orleans NEW         13  12  .520  3.5       

20-21 Neverwinter NEV         13  12  .520  3.5       

21-22 North Dakota NDK        14  13  .519  3.5       

22-23 Bay City BAY            12  13  .480  4.5       

15-16 "WhatEricSaid?" WES     13  16  .448  5.5       

19-20 Future Wax FUT           7  12  .368  6.5       

21-22 Constantinople CON       9  16  .360  7.5       

 Oceanus!  The only non-championship team is off to a hot start.  Can they keep it up?  And keep in mind that that CN team from two years ago finished 4^th at 28-28 in the regular season. 

Here are the standings as of May 31:

LEAGUE STANDINGS FOR 2024 Champions League

                            WON LOST  PCT   GB  MAGIC#

21-22 North Dakota NDK        33  22  .600 ----   107 

19-20 Oceanus OCE             31  24  .564  2.0       

11-12 The Cheddarmen CHE      26  21  .553  3.0       

20-21 Neverwinter NEV         30  26  .536  3.5       

10-11 New Orleans NEW         24  26  .480  6.5       

19-20 Future Wax FUT          23  27  .460  7.5       

15-16 "WhatEricSaid?" WES     26  31  .456  8.0       

22-23 Bay City BAY            24  29  .453  8.0       

21-22 Constantinople CON      21  32  .396 11.0       

Now that’s more like it!  Note that teams have played close to the SOMBILLA 56 game schedule. I’m sure Tom is reveling in his team’s basement dwelling. Current leaders:

LEAGUE LEADERS FOR 2024 Champions League through May 31.                    

 LEAGUE LEADERS FOR 2024 Champions League                            

 ----BATTING AVERAGE----    --------HOMERUNS-------   -----RUNS BATTED IN----   --------- 

 A.Benintendi  BAY  .347  R.Devers      CON    16   R.Acuna       NEV    36       

 J.Baez        FUT  .303  M.Machado     FUT    13   J.Bell        NEV    36  

 A.Jones       NEW  .297  A.Dunn        NEW    13   A.Bregman     NEV    36  

LEAGUE STANDINGS FOR 2024 Champions League

                            WON LOST  PCT   GB  MAGIC#

2122 North Dakota NDK        47  30  .610 ----    78 

1920 Oceanus OCE             45  36  .556  4.0       

1516 "WhatEricSaid?" WES     40  40  .500  8.5       

1011 New Orleans NEW         38  39  .494  9.0       

2021 Neverwinter NEV         42  44  .488  9.5       

1112 The Cheddarmen CHE      37  39  .487  9.5       

1920 Future Wax FUT          36  40  .474 10.5       

2223 Bay City BAY            36  44  .450 12.5       

2122 Constantinople CON      37  46  .446 13.0       

----------WINS---------   ----------ERA----------  

 M.Clevinger   OCE    11   S. Bieber   NDK  2.41

 J.Degrom      NDK     9   S. Ohtani   CON  2.48

 C.Carpenter   NEW     9   Z. Gallen   BAY  2.59

 T.Lincecum    CHE     9   W. Buehler  OCE  2.67

LEAGUE STANDINGS FOR 2024 Champions League

                            WON LOST  PCT   GB  MAGIC#

1920 Oceanus OCE             63  46  .578 ----    52 

2122 North Dakota NDK        58  46  .558  2.5       

1011 New Orleans NEW         56  48  .538  4.5       

2122 Constantinople CON      55  53  .509  7.5       

1516 "WhatEricSaid?" WES     52  55  .486 10.0       

1112 The Cheddarmen CHE      51  56  .477 11.0       

1920 Future Wax FUT          50  57  .467 12.0       

2021 Neverwinter NEV         50  61  .450 14.0       

2223 Bay City BAY            47  60  .439 15.0       

AWARDS VOTING FOR 2024 Champions League through July 31                       

MVP AWARD                               CY YOUNG AWARD

A.Bregman(NEV) 377                      S.Doolittle(OCE) 112

T.Tulowitzki(CHE) 366                   S.Bieber(NDK) 99

J.Ramirez(OCE) 213                      M.Scherzer(FUT) 49

T.Story(OCE) 139                        K.Giles(WES) 19

R.Devers(CON) 102                       F.Ni*(NEW) 9

* That’s Harold’s 2009 mutant Fu-Te Ni in the Cy Young voting.

Standings at the end of August:

LEAGUE STANDINGS FOR 2024 Champions League

                            WON LOST  PCT   GB  MAGIC#

1920 Oceanus OCE             79  55  .590 ----    22 

2122 North Dakota NDK        75  60  .556  4.5       

1011 New Orleans NEW         74  61  .548  5.5       

2122 Constantinople CON      66  69  .489 13.5       

1516 "WhatEricSaid?" WES     65  69  .485 14.0       

1112 The Cheddarmen CHE      66  71  .482 14.5       

1920 Future Wax FUT          63  72  .467 16.5       

2021 Neverwinter NEV         61  71  .462 17.0       

2223 Bay City BAY            57  78  .422 22.5       

Only 3 ½ games separating 5 teams for the final playoff berth.

C  J.Realmuto(NEV) 1,508,632            Y.Gomes(FUT) 1,429,130

1B P.Konerko(CHE) 2,828,805             A.Dunn(NEW) 2,290,945

2B J.Baez(FUT) 2,993,961                B.Zobrist(NEW) 2,294,825

3B J.Ramirez(OCE) 2,618,228             E.Suarez(BAY) 2,609,630

SS T.Tulowitzki(CHE) 4,199,471          A.Bregman(NEV) 3,941,466

LF S.Ohtani(CON) 2,273,859              C.Crawford(CHE) 2,195,045

CF R.Acuna(NEV) 2,668,890               T.Grisham(NDK) 1,992,453

RF B.Harper(CON) 3,153,191              J.Werth(CHE) 2,024,181

Pi S.Doolittle(OCE) 4,031,492           S.Bieber(NDK) 3,486,695

   K.Giles(WES) 3,187,528               F.Ni(NEW) 2,539,522

   A.Nola(OCE) 2,444,339                M.Scherzer(FUT) 2,147,078

   A.Manoah(CON) 1,905,326              W.Buehler(OCE) 1,901,106

   T.Lincecum(CHE) 1,874,515            G.Gallegos(NEV) 1,857,843

   L.Lynn(NDK) 1,654,532                M.Clevinger(OCE) 1,635,227

FINAL LEAGUE STANDINGS FOR 2024 Champions League

                            WON LOST  PCT   GB  MAGIC#

1920 Oceanus OCE             89  71  .556 ----     1 

2122 North Dakota NDK        89  71  .556 ----       

1011 New Orleans NEW         86  74  .538  3.0       

1516 "WhatEricSaid?" WES     81  79  .506  8.0       

1112 The Cheddarmen CHE      80  80  .500  9.0       

2021 Neverwinter NEV         79  81  .494 10.0       

1920 Future Wax FUT          73  87  .456 16.0       

2122 Constantinople CON      73  87  .456 16.0       

2223 Bay City BAY            70  90  .438 19.0  

Pretty close final standings.  Oceanus takes first place by virtue of an 11-9 head to head advantage over North Dakota.  Jeff beats out Eric by 1 game and Sam by two games for the final playoff berth.  Sam’s Bregman wins MVP and Bieber wins the Cy Young

 AWARDS VOTING FOR 2024 Champions League                       

MVP AWARD                               CY YOUNG AWARD

A.Bregman(NEV) 384                      S.Bieber(NDK) 121

T.Tulowitzki(CHE) 366                   S.Doolittle(OCE) 91

S.Bieber(NDK) 213                       A.Nola(OCE) 49

T.Story(OCE) 138                        K.Giles(WES) 19

J.Ramirez(OCE) 97                       F.Ni(NEW) 8

ALL-STAR SELECTIONS BY POSITION

C  J.Realmuto(NEV) 1,810,491            Y.Gomes(FUT) 1,635,135

1B P.Konerko(CHE) 2,931,530             J.Bell(NEV) 2,708,852

2B J.Baez(FUT) 3,419,584                B.Zobrist(NEW) 2,322,666

3B E.Suarez(BAY) 3,005,760              J.Ramirez(OCE) 2,871,495

SS A.Bregman(NEV) 4,989,471             T.Tulowitzki(CHE) 4,287,771

LF C.Crawford(CHE) 2,440,222            S.Ohtani(CON) 2,212,426

CF R.Acuna(NEV) 3,185,328               A.Jones(WES) 2,316,288

RF B.Harper(CON) 3,340,445              J.Werth(CHE) 2,309,734

Pi S.Bieber(NDK) 4,789,892              K.Giles(WES) 4,151,239

   S.Doolittle(OCE) 4,081,147           A.Nola(OCE) 3,284,038

   F.Ni(NEW) 2,914,700                  G.Gallegos(NEV) 2,781,002

   M.Scherzer(FUT) 2,236,026            T.Lincecum(CHE) 1,960,962

   L.Lynn(NDK) 1,883,824                J.Degrom(NDK) 1,848,345

   W.Buehler(OCE) 1,791,639             A.Manoah(CON) 1,730,018

LEAGUE LEADERS FOR 2024 Champions League                             

 ----BATTING AVERAGE----   --------HOMERUNS-------   -----RUNS BATTED IN----

 I.Suzuki      NEW  .301   R.Devers      CON    39   J.Baez        FUT    97

 L.Guillorme   NDK  .284   E.Suarez      BAY    36   J.Bell        NEV    96

 A.Bohm        NDK  .269   A.Bregman     NEV    34   P.Konerko     CHE    96

 J.McNeil      BAY  .267   S.Ohtani      CON    33   A.Bregman     NEV    95

 C.Figgins     NEW  .266   A.Dunn        NEW    33   M.Machado     FUT    89

 A.Dickerson   NDK  .264   B.Harper      CON    32   A.Dunn        NEW    89

 J.Martinez    WES  .263   F.Tatis Jr    CON    32   S.Ohtani      CON    84

 R.Cano        NEW  .263   J.Votto       CON    32   R.Acuna       NEV    82

 A.Bregman     NEV  .262   J.Bell        NEV    32   R.Cano        NEW    82

 J.Altuve      OCE  .261   T.Tulowitzki  CHE    32   B.Harper      CON    80

 J.Baez        FUT  .259   R.Acuna       NEV    31   T.Mancini     NEV    80  

 C. Crawford   CHE  .257   E.Suarez      FUT    31   B.Zobrist     NEW    80  

                                                 (obviously plays better for me – Robin)

----------WINS---------   ----------ERA----------   ---------SAVES---------  

 S.Bieber      NDK    19  S.Bieber      NDK  2.28   S.Doolittle   OCE    55  

 L.Lynn        NDK    18  W.Buehler     OCE  2.49   F.Ni          NEW    41  

 A.Nola        OCE    18  A.Nola        OCE  2.81   K.Giles       WES    36   

 G.Gonzalez    CHE    16  C.Carpenter   NEW  3.08   J.Leclerc     FUT    33  

 M.Scherzer    FUT    15  J.Happ        NEW  3.09   J.Thatcher    CHE    33  

 C.Kluber      OCE    15  T.Lincecum    CHE  3.19   G.Gallegos    NEV    32  

 M.Clevinger   OCE    15  T.Lilly       NEW  3.20   K.Graveman    CON    29  

 T.Lincecum    CHE    15  C.Rodon       CON  3.22   R.Marinaccio  BAY    27  

                          M.Scherzer    FUT  3.27   D.Pomeranz    NDK    25   

                          M.Clevinger   OCE  3.39   L.Hendriks    NDK    11                            

                          Z.Gallen      BAY  3.44   D.Bard        BAY     8                            

                          J.Lester      WES  3.50

Playoffs! 

Jed vs. Jeff

Arnie vs. Harold

Oceanus 1 “What Eric Said?” 0

Oceanus 6 “What Eric Said?” 1

Oceanus 4 “What Eric Said?” 2

“What Eric Said?” 1 Oceanus 0

Oceanus 3 “What Eric Said?” 0

Oceanus wins series 4 games to 1

MVP – Corey Kluber 2-0, 1.29 ERA

New Orleans 5 North Dakota 2

North Dakota 8 New Orleans 3

North Dakota 8 New Orleans 6

North Dakota 1 New Orleans 0

North Dakota 6 New Orleans 1

North Dakota wins series 4 games to 1

MVP - Francisco Lindor .409, 1HR, 4 RBI

World Series: Oceanus vs. North Dakota.  North Dakota attempts to defend the honor of the Champions against a pretender.

Oceanus 5 North Dakota 3

Oceanus 3 North Dakota 2

North Dakota 4 Oceanus 3

Oceanus 12 North Dakota 1

North Dakota 9 Oceanus 1

Oceanus 2 North Dakota 1

Oceanus wins series 4 games to 2

MVP – Kluber 2-0, 2.63

Least likely to make a midseason trade – Bay City

Most likely to change team name midseason or offseason – Koop Island Blues

Most likely to use Lamana in drafting and to structure trades – Oceanus

Most likely to lampoon teams for using Lamana – North Dakota

Most likely to have multiple layers of reasons for having to reschedule – Constantinople

Least likely to see your email within 24 hours (and most likely to respond to it several months later) – Future Wax

Most likely to draft a Yankee – New Orleans

It’s been a while since we looked into each owner’s payroll.  Who are the SOMBILLA’s big market teams, for whom money is no object? Who is trying to buy the Championship?  In other words, who are the Mets of the SOMBILLA (I wanted to say Yankees, but the Mets, with a ridiculous $344.1 million payroll, $64.8 million over the 2^nd place Yankees, have surpassed them for highest payroll now.)  Given the performance of the Mets so far, you do not want to be the Mets of the SOMBILLA.

 Conversely, who are the league’s small market cheapskate owners, operating on a shoestring budget? (The A’s of the SOMBILLA, with a minuscule $60.8 million payroll). You probably don’t want to be the A’s of the SOMBILLA either.

For this study, I let the computer choose each person’s 26-man roster as that was the most expedient. The computer always makes a few questionable choices, but it was good enough for this.  I used the 2023 MLB data that is readily available on a few websites. 

So, who is the SOMBILLA’s big market, Mets/Yankees trying to purchase the championship? I’ll give you one guess:

1.       Future Wax – Payroll $295,302,000. Interestingly, even in an all-star league, Future Wax’s payroll is almost $50 million less than the Mets payroll. This says more about the Mets than Future Wax. They did win the championship 3 years ago, but they still refuse to cut payroll in hopes of a return to the glory days. Highest paid players:

 Max Scherzer                         $43,333,333

Giancarlo Stanton                   $32,000,000

Trea Turner                            $27,273,000

Marcus Stroman                     $25,000,000

George Springer                      $22,500,000

Number of minimum salaried players:  4

2.       North Dakota – Payroll $279,764,000. Future Wax wannabes?  Horrors! Like Future Wax though, they did recently win the championship (2022), so money talks.

 Paul Goldschmidt                   $46,000,000

Francisco Lindor                     $34,100,000

Jake deGrom                          $30,000,000

Mookie Betts                          $25,000,000

Chris Bassitt                           $19,000,000

Number of minimum salaried players:  5

3.    Bay City – Payroll $261,982,000. Lost the World Series in extra innings of game 7. Could a few more $$ have been the difference? Will she buy some free agents to put her over the top?

       Gerrit Cole                             $36,000,000

       Carlos Correa                         $33,333,333

       Yu Darvish                             $25,000,000

       Starling Marte                                      $20,750,000

       Sal Perez                                $20,000,000

 Number of minimum salaried players:  5

 4.      Neverwinter – Payroll $261,974,000. In a virtual tie with Bay City for 3^rd place. Although not in contention last year, he’s only two years removed from winning the championship. I’m seeing a pattern here. Sam is not afraid to spend, but note that his highest paid players were all signed by Jeff:

 Alex Bregman                        $30,500,000

Freddie Freeman                     $27,000,000

J. T. Realmuto                         $23,875,000

       Mike Mikolas                         $20,416,000

       Charlie Morton                       $20,000,000       

        Number of minimum salaried players:  4

 5.      Constantinople – Payroll $252,091,000. Last year’s champion rounds out the top 5, easily correlating to the most recently successful franchises in the league. Coincidence? I think not. 59% of this team’s salary is tied up in these 5 players:

Mike Trout                             $37,116,000

Dansby Swanson                    $32,285,000

Shohei Ohtani                         $30,000,000

Bryce Harper                          $27,538,000

Carlos Rodon                         $22,833,000

Number of minimum salaried players:  9

6.      New Orleans – Payroll $233,449,000. Note the huge drop-off in payroll from the top 5 to the bottom 3.  Also note the huge drop-off in recent SOMBILLA success. This franchise hasn’t made the playoffs in three years and is now 12 years removed from his last championship. Money talks in this league.

 
Aaron Judge                           $40,000,000

Marcus Semien                       $26,000,000

Zach Wheeler                         $24,500,000

Matt Olson                             $21,000,000

Kenley Jansen                        $16,000,000

Number of minimum salaried players:  6

7.      Dead Nettles – Payroll $231,389,000. Now 11 years removed from his last championship, this team has fallen on some hard times, cutting corners everywhere and it shows. Spends more on his dogs than his team.

Justin Verlander                      $43,333,333

Nolan Aronado                       $35,000,000

Xander Bogaerts                     $25,455,000

Edwin Diaz                            $19,650,000

Joc Pederson                          $19,650,000

Number of minimum salaried players:  7

8.      Oceanus – Payroll $201,809,600. The Oakland Athletics of the SOMBILLA. This cheap bastard’s payroll is a distant last, actually lower than 7 MLB teams. The long-suffering fans of this moribund franchise deserve better. The owner won’t even spring for a new laptop. An embarrassment.

 Jose Altuve                             $29,000,000

Joe Musgrove                         $20,000,000

Julio Rodriguez                      $17,442,000

Aaron Nola                            $16,000,000

Byron Buxton                         $15,286,000

Number of minimum salaried players:  7

The Waiver Draft: An Analysis [7/23]

By Jed Corman, guest columnist

Ah, the Waiver Draft!  The culmination of a week's worth of coming down from the Actual Draft's high. You agonize over making those last few cuts.  You sift through others' trash hoping to find treasure. Then as the MLB season unfolds you watch as players you cut enjoy career seasons and ultimately get re-drafted by someone else. Or worse yet, by you.

Just to refresh your memory, the Waiver Draft was Tom's brainchild back in 2009. Some league members have traditionally eschewed the Waiver Draft while others have embraced it. The question is, how has it affected Eric?  Well, that's one question.  (Spoiler alert: not a lot).

This study will answer a number of burning questions you have about the Waiver Draft. Of course, the burning part might just be something you ate.

Note that the historical record for the Waiver Draft is sadly incomplete. We seem to be missing a few years. Thus, this study has an asterisk next to it.

Who has picked up the most players in the Waiver Draft?

I'll bet you're thinking, well, obviously, it's Jed who's chosen the most players in the Waiver Draft.  However, you might be surprised. But you won't be. I have indeed chosen the most players, although more recently Harold has become the most active Waiver Draft participant. Here are the tallies:

Jed: 31

Harold: 21

Tom: 19

Arnie: 11

Randy: 6

Robin: 3

Jeff/Sam: 3

Eric: 2

Notably, Eric has not picked up a player in the Waiver Draft since the very first one back in 2010. Which went 9 rounds, by the way – the longest Waiver Draft in history. It was noted that by round 8 Jeff was shouting “Spooneybarger” (via email, see below) in a desperate attempt to bring the proceedings to a close.

What is the Most Number of Players Chosen during a Specific Waiver Draft?

The most players picked up in any individual Waiver Draft was 8 by yours truly in 2010.  I suspect that's a record unlikely to be broken. Though judging by the way things are going for my team this year, who knows.

Who are the Greatest Waiver Draft Pickups of All Time?

I'm thinking my selection of Jose Altuve – cut by North Dakota in 2014 – probably represents the best Waiver Draft pickup of all time.  In 2013 Altuve hit .283 but had an OPS of .679 and was a 3e10 in the field. So Arnie couldn't be blamed for thinking that the diminutive second baseman wasn't going to amount to much. (But MPS^TM can be blamed). In 2014, Altuve hit .341 with an OPS of .830. Including 2014, Altuve went on to produce 8 seasons with an OPS of > .800.  4 of which were > .900. And he may still have something left in the tank given he's only 33.  And knowing what pitch is coming will certainly help.

Arnie's selection of Liam Hendriks in 2018 has paid significant dividends. Of course, Hendriks didn't have a great 2017 card (hence his getting cut) but interestingly Hendriks didn't do well in 2018 either yet Arnie kept the faith.  And then in 2019, Hendriks started a run of 4 excellent seasons (with WHIPs of .96, .67, .73 and 1.04).  During the 2021/22 SOMBILLA season, Hendriks led the league in saves with 15. Have to think Hendriks is the #2 all-time Waiver Wire pickup.

And then there was Joey Votto. After holding onto Votto for 3 pretty much unusable seasons, I figured he was washed up at age 91 in 2021. Tom then claimed him. And then he produced a vintage year with an OPS of .938 (above his career average).  He was the #7 card in the set according to Lamanna. During the 2022/23 SOMBILLA campaign – where Tom won the World Series – Votto had an OPS of .899.

Corey Hart – another pickup by Tom – had three outstanding seasons from 2010-2012 after Eric cut him. He hit 87 homers over that span and his OPS was never lower than .841.  Might be worthy of #3 as an all-time Waiver Draft pickup! He had 19 homers for Constantinople over two SOMBILLA seasons.

The Waiver Draft has in a number of instances provided some immediate if not long-term value. Some recent examples include

·        Arnie's drafting of Chad Green (cut by Eric) in 2022. Green was (according to Arnie's go-to source, John Lamanna  one of the top relievers.  [Ed note: It’s laughable that Lamanna liked him so much considering he had 5 ballparks against both sides and he was only drafted for future potential (MPS^TM) and to replace the worst previous worst reliever in my bullpen, R. Rodriguez.  He played in fewer than half my series, strictly to absorb innings. Eric had no use for him either. But Lamanna says he was one of the best. Sad!). Unfortunately for Arnie, Green got injured while associating with some Bay City players or he (Green, not Arnie) might've provided more than one usable year. (Ed note again: he’s supposedly coming back in August. But again, he was barely usable last year and drafted for the future).

 
·        Isaiah Kiner-Falefa (cut by Sam) in 2022 gave me a serviceable stop-gap measure at short. 

 
·        Also: Harold's acquisition of Eddie Rosario (cut by Jed) in 2022 gave him a pinch hitter who, albeit in only 26 AB, had an OPS of 1.092 in the SOMBILLA this past season. 

I don't feel like looking up stats for all the players but here are a few additional examples of waiver draft value, in no particular order:

 •    Adam Warren, picked up by Harold in 2017, probably because Warren got traded to the Yankees in real baseball, produced his career season that year (a .87 WHIP). He provided Harold with 21 IP and a 1.71 ERA during the 2018/19 SOMBILLA campaign.

•    Patrick Corbin, picked up by Arnie in 2017, went on to have his two best seasons in 2018 and 2019.  He went 8-2 for Arnie during the 2019/20 SOMBILLA season, with a 3.08 ERA.  Although 0-2, with a 9.00 ERA in 2020/21. Still, 2 usable seasons for a waiver pickup.  Corbin may qualify as the 5^th or 6^th best waiver draftee of all time (see Darren O'Day below).

 •    Randy picking up Hyun-jin Ryu in 2015 would've been brilliant if he'd kept Ryu on his roster until 2018 (and 2019).  However, at some point Ryu got cut and Harold used a 2nd-round draft pick to obtain him in 2020.

•    Harold's selection of Mike Moustakas in 2015 was a darned good one. The Moose had a down year in 2014, leading to his getting cut.  But in 2015 he had an OPS of .818 and overall produced 3 more years of > .800 OPS.  In 2016, Harold traded Moustakas to Robin for Kenley Jansen (!). Later in 2016, Robin traded Moustakas to Jed for Matt Duffy, a 9^th round draft pick (who turned into BJ Upton?) and a player to be named later (Cody Allen).  Moustakas provided some value, maybe as much or more than Corbin.  And Harold parlaying him into Jansen – that was a coup only made possible by the Waiver Draft!  Arguably Moustakas generated the most activity of any waiver draftee.

 •    Harold's picking up of Sabathia in 2014 (again, probably because he was a Yankee) might have worked out well for him. But from 2013-2015, Sabathia was unusable, leading to his getting cut again. Starting in 2016, however, he produced three years in a row of sub 4.00 ERA seasons. However, I guess if Sabathia had been that good he would've gotten re-drafted.  I don't see that he was in the league at all during those years....

•    And how could I not mention Darren “Luck O' the Irish” O'Day? You might ask “Why can't I get players like that?”  Well, a good start would be not cutting him.... He was actually cut twice!  Originally drafted by Robin in 2010, she eventually cut him. And RAT drafted him in 2013, cutting him a year later.  I picked O'Day in the final round of the 2014 Waiver Draft.  I don't really understand why he was cut because he had a 2.18 ERA with a 1.00 WHIP in MLB 2013.  During the 2014/15 SOMBILLA campaign he pitched 22 1/3 innings for me with a 2.01 ERA. And O'Day would go on to have fine seasons in 2014 and 2015 (and later, in 2017-2020 – but he had been cut and re-drafted).  O'Day arguably is the 4^th or 5^th best Waiver Draft pickup of all time.

•    Reliever Tyler Clippard – grabbed by Harold (of course) in the 2013 Waiver Draft after a somewhat down season and traded to North Dakota in 2015 – provided multiple usable cards. He's up there with O'Day and maybe ahead of Corbin and Moustakas as a waiver draftee..

 Has Any Player been Drafted More Than Once in the Waiver Draft?

 Yes! Tommy “I am the” Edman was waiver drafted by Harold in 2021 (after being cut by Arnie).  Interestingly, to obtain Edman, Harold cut Christian Walker, who was re-drafted in 2023 by Randy.  Edman was cut by Harold in 2023 and picked up by Jed this year.

What was the Best Waiver Draft Trade? (i.e, trades after the regular draft but before the waiver draft)

There have been 3 (pre-) Waiver Draft Trades:

1.      In 2012, Tom traded Coco Crisp to Eric for Chipper Jones.

2.      Also in 2012, Tom traded Kelly Johnson to Jed for Rafael Furcal.

3.      In 2021, Eric traded Pressly to Jed for Eovaldi.

 One would think that getting a future Hall of Famer for a box of cereal would be the steal of the century.  However, Crisp would go on to produce at least 2 above career average seasons in 2012 and 2013. He was a base stealer and I believe a good defender in CF.  Meanwhile, Chipper Jones would play only one more season with stats far below his career averages, though he probably was usable.  So really, the trade was something of a wash and maybe actually to Eric's advantage.

Without checking, I'd say Kelly Johnson got cut in 2013 and never made it back to the SOMBILLA.  He was usable in a limited way with his 2011 card but checking the stats he didn't play.  Furcal had a fine career (despite lying about his age) but only played one more full season (2012). He didn't play for Tom.  So this trade was the definition of a wash.

And as previously touched on, Pressly for Eovaldi is still TBD. Pressly has been arguably more productive in the SOMBILLA thus far, with his 15 saves in 2022.  But Eovaldi has gotten some usage, and at the time I am writing this is having a fine 2023 season and made the All-Star team!  Too bad Eric cut him this year. 

I'd conclude that the Pressly for Eovaldi trade has been the most impactful Waiver Draft trade.

Who Performed Better: Waiver Draft Pickups or their Cut Counterparts?

 Hoo boy, this would take more hours than I want to put into it. But it's a great question, isn't it?  So, I decided to focus just on the original 9-round Waiver Draft.  I don't know if that's sufficient to draw statistically significant conclusions from. But here's what I found (I removed all the passes). (Ed note:  Because it was so new and we weren’t sure about the best way to implement it, this first waiver draft was actually held via e-mail. Each manager had 24 hours to make their pick. The entire draft lasted over a month.  Remember that? I remember making one pick from a Delaware hotel room. – Arnie)

Waiver Draft 2010

 1st round

3. Harold - claims Edgar Renteria from A51, and cuts Orlando Cabrera. Renteria played two more years and one was possibly usable.  Orlando Cabrera played two more years and one was possibly usable. Extremely marginal advantage in the pickup.

4. Tom - claims Milton Bradley from Jed, cuts Mark Ellis. Bradley played two more unusable years.  Ellis played 4 more years and hit .291 in 2010.  Should've kept.

6. Jed - claims FW's Jeremy Guthrie and cuts Chris Sampson.  Guthrie had a good 2010 (starred starter with a 1.16 WHIP).  Nothing after that.  Sampson never played again.  Advantage: pickup.

7. RAT - reclaims F. Cordero and cuts Saltalamacchia. 

Francisco (“don't call me Franchy”) Cordero had 40 saves in 2010 and yet was likely unusable due to a 1.43 WHIP.  But...Cordero had a 1.02 WHIP in 2011.  But...he doesn't seem to have been used during the 2012/13 SOMBILLA season.  Jarrod (“Salty”) Saltalamacchia played for quite a while after 2009, with 25 homers in 2012 and a .804 OPS in 2013.  So this was either a wash or maybe even they shoulda kept Salty.

2nd round

2. Arnie - claims C. Delgado from A51 and cuts Luke Scott. Delgado never played in MLB after 2009.  But...Arnie did get some use out of his limited 2009 card.  Luke Scott had 25 homers and a .828 OPS in 2009 and then 27 homers and a .902 OPS in 2010.  Why was he cut?  Well, fact is, Scott never got re-drafted so I guess he wasn't usable enough.  Advantage pickup!

3. Harold - claims Jarrod Saltalamacchia and cuts newly drafted Ryan Roberts. Harold re-cut Saltalamacchia so never enjoyed his good seasons.  I don't think Roberts was ever usable, so this was a complete wash.

4. Tom - claims Tim Wakefield from BC and waives Taylor Bucholz.  Wakefield played 2 more unusable years.  Buchholz was never usable.  Wash.

6. Jed - reclaims Manny Corpas and cuts Rick Ankiel*. Corpas went on to suck.  Ankiel went on to suck.  Wash.

8. Eric - claim Chris Snyder and cuts Dioner Navarro. Snyder might've been marginally usable in a limited way in 2011.  Or not.  Navarro's career year was 2013 and he was limited but good.  Should've kept but nobody would've kept him that long.  I'll say it was a wash.

* At that time, an outfielder.  Originally drafted by Robin as a pitcher but presumably cut due to Daniel Bard syndrome.

 3rd round

4. Tom - claims Theriot and cuts X. Nady,  Theriot was godawful.  Nady was godawful.  Wash.

6. Jed - claims Capps and cuts JJ Hardy.  Capps certainly didn't do much and likely didn't get any SOMBILLA usage.  (Ed note: I remember he got off to a hot start in MLB (remember we were drafting in May and into June), and Harold commented on Jed’s drafting of the hot player). Hardy was around for a while and produced some decent years after getting cut. (Hardy hit 30 homers in 2011.  Should've kept Hardy, but I made up for this in the next round. 

4th round

2. Arnie - claims Jerry Blevins, cuts Scot (only one 't') Shields.  Blevins produced a couple of usable seasons in 2012 and 2013.  Did Arnie keep him that long?  Nope – he was re-cut and later drafted by Harold (Blevins was a reliever, of course).  Shields pitched in 2010 but he shouldn't have.  This was a wash even though Blevins was the better player (because Arnie didn't get any benefit from this pickup).

4. Tom - reclaims Smoltz, cuts Wakefield. Smoltz never pitched after 2009.  Wakefield, as mentioned, sucked.  Wash.

6. Jed - reclaims JJ Hardy, cuts Tony Pena. Hardy as mentioned had at least one excellent season upcoming.  I believe this was Tony Pena the pitcher, who sucked.  Good pickup. (Ed note: In January 2012, Oceanus traded Hardy to North Dakota along with a 7th round pick [became Coco Crisp] for Jimmy Rollins and David Murphy.  The trade was ostensibly to help Oceanus immediately, ND just needed a SS placeholder for the rest of the presumably lost season.  But Hardy helped North Dakota win the championship [and Matt Joyce, called up by ND from the taxi squad to replace Murphy on the 25-man roster, became the World Series MVP]).

8. Eric - reclaims Rowand, cuts Dickerson. Aaron Rowand was awful.  Chris (“the dick”) Dickerson was worthless.  Wash.

5th round

2. Arnie - cuts Albert Pujols and immediately redrafts him  Huh?  Well, I guess we can say this was a wash.  But I don't think this is allowed.  Must've been a joke.  (Ed note: Yes, Pujols was still very good. Easier to pull this joke off via e-mail).

4. Tom - cuts Bradley, claims Tejada. Mentioned Bradley was useless.  Doesn't look like Miguel Tejada got any SOMBILLA playing time.  Wash.

6. Jed - cuts Dice K, claims A. Soriano. Dice K amounted to nothing.  But Soriano was something.  His stats make it seem like he should've been usable, but I don't find him in the historical SOMBILLA record.  Eventually Harold got a hold of him, and he played for him.  But since I didn't get any benefit, this was a wash.

6th round

2. Arnie - claims Dice-K, cuts Chris Young (pitcher).  As mentioned Dice K never lived up to the hype.  Chris Young had one usable limited year in 2015 but it doesn't look like he was in the SOMBILLA during the 2016/17 campaign.  So...another wash.

4. Tom - claims Aviles - waives Jenks. Mike Aviles had his best year in 2010.  But didn't get used!  Bobby Jenks was never usable.  Wash.

6. Jed - cut Jeff Francouer and claimed James Loney. James (“Only the”) Loney never played in the SOMBILLA after getting picked up.  Francouer had his career year in 2011 and would have been worth keeping for that.  And yet...he didn't play in the SOMBILLA in 2012/13 so this turned out to be a wash.

7th round

2.  Arnie - reclaims Chris Young, cuts J. Blevins. Shoulda kept Blevins.

4. Tom - claims C. Hart - waives Tejada. As mentioned above, Corey Hart was one of the best Waiver Draft pickups of all time.  Tejada was useless at this point in his career.

6. Jed - cuts Fuentes, reclaims Sampson. As mentioned above, Sampson provided no value.  But neither did Fuentes.  Wash.

8th round

2.  Arnie - claims Beimel, cuts R. Ramirez. Beimel went on to suck.  Ramon Ramirez had a usable 2011.  But he didn't play in the SOMBILLA.  Wash.

5.  Tom - claims Max Ramirez - waives E. Santana. Max Ramirez never had more than a cup of MLB coffee.  Santana definitely had some usable years.  Should have kept.  But...I don't see Santana appearing in the SOMBILLA stats over the next several years, so I guess even this was a wash.

9th round

5.  Tom - reclaims E. Santana, waives Morrow.  Tom makes up for the mistake of cutting Santana.  But...again...he didn't use Santana.  Morrow did have a usable 2012 and was picked up by Jeff and pitched ok for him in the SOMBILLA.  Mostly a wash because it is unlikely anyone would have kept Morrow around long enough to enjoy his one good year.

6. Jed - cut Sampson, claims Ohman. Again, Sampson was useless, so cutting him was a good move.  Ohman always sucked, not sure why he was ever drafted.  Wash.

So it looks like the most likely Waiver Draft transaction outcome is a wash.  Mainly because both the player you cut and the player you pick up are likely to suck.

Subjective Assessment of the Impact of the Waiver Draft

Based on the fact that there have been few players selected in the waiver drafts who've gone on to illustrious careers and produced multiple usable years, the impact of the Waiver Draft has been pretty minor.  The golden nuggets are rare indeed (Altuve, Hendriks, Votto, Hart, maybe O'Day, maybe Clippard).  The most probable outcome of a Waiver Draft transaction is that it will be a wash.  I still say it was an awesome idea on Tom's part and I think represents a nice light dessert after the main course of the Actual Draft.

Who (does the computer think) are the best players for this upcoming Strat-O season? [7/23]

I took all the major leaguers with 2022 cards and let the computer draft a 26-man roster. Who are the best 26 players in the league, at least according to the computer? Below is the roster, along with the round that the computer drafted the player in. Do you agree?  And more important, if you are Jed, does Lamanna agree? The first pick overall?  New Orleans’ Aaron Judge.

Hard to argue too much with this All-SOMBILLA first team, except for the fact that the third drafted pitcher, JP Feyereisen is not even in the league this year (although he was an available serious righty reliever mutant).  Still, it may not be exactly the team that you (or Lamanna) would draft, but it would kick some serious butt in the SOMBILLA.

* Interestingly, although the computer drafted pitcher Ohtani and hitter Ohtani consecutively, it knew that he was one guy because it actually drafted 27 rounds of players, even though I told it to draft 26.

I then had the computer draft a 2^nd team – the all SOMBILLA 2^nd team.  Or the Washington Generals of the SOMBILLA.As with the first team, the computer found a guy – Dylan Moore – who is not in the league (marginally usable against lefties but plays all OF and IF positions).  A few eyebrow raising choices.  This team would be a likely SOMBILLA playoff team, but not a shoo-in for the championship.

Combining these two teams, here are the totals of players in the computer’s top 50:

Constantinople – 10

New Orleans - 9

Neverwinter– 7

Dead Nettles – 6

North Dakota – 5

Future Wax – 5

Bay City – 5

Oceanus – 3

Rediscovered Twits Notes [7/23]

Sometime around 2000, I spent a long while typing up all the old standings and articles from the SOMBILLA’s pre-Internet days to upload to the league’s new website.  You can find many famous articles, such as “Eric Lost the Scoresheets,” “The SOMBILLA Trading and Loan Scandal,” “Tsuan Guruism,” and “How League Members React to Receiving Shit” in the Archives.

But some poignant and interesting Twits Notes tidbits were never included.  Mostly because it would’ve been too time-consuming to go through the voluminous piles of newsletters accumulated in our Holliston attic to find everything.  Well, as promised two summers ago, when I published, “The Summer Newsletter” as a study: “This is Part 1 of going through old newsletters in the attic.  Next summer, I'll dig up old newsletter headlines (such as “Who is this Dan Pasqua,” “Another bad start for Jed,” “Tsuan pays up!”) and good lost Twits Notes not already posted to the website.” 

 OK, I’m one year late.  But here you go, these Twits Notes will now be memorialized forever.  Interestingly, I found tons of good stuff, but to my pleasant surprise, a lot of it is already on the website!  Check out the Archives some day when you are bored.  Anyway, we start off with something, not Twits Notes at all, but the first published Draft Day Agenda – the first 10-round draft after the creation of the permanent league:

Long lost Twits Notes and Newsletter Headlines:

12/31/86   What’s wrong with the Folders? (I.e., why aren’t they losing?).  The shocking Manila Folders continue their rampage, with every week bringing dozens of new franchise records. The consensus around the league among those who have actually faced Matt is that he has been incredibly lucky.  Though much of Strat-O is luck and karma, can a truly bad team go on a 56-game luck streak?  Will Vince Coleman and Ozzie Smith continue to be 1-2 in batting at .367 and .345? Will Dwight Evans finish in the home run leaders? Will Leibrandt and Guidry continue to baffle lefty killers?  Will Bill Campbell and the Quiz continue to not to choke?  We say no.  Perhaps 1000-1 was a bit harsh, and they might not even finish last.  But playoffs????!!!!

Injuries are up over 250% over last year.  The dice are not any more dangerous, nor are the cards flimsier or the players in worse condition.  Rather, the increase is due solely to Tsuan’s new injury rule.  Every team has felt the impact, and the players are dropping like flies.  In one game, both Matt’s 2^nd basemen were injured (not bad luck, because he still won), and other horrible stories abound.  Though confusion reigns about maximum injury length (it’s all in the rules shown in Vol 1, which should be posted in your bathroom, by now), stupidity abounds where managers have forgotten to call up replacements. The moral is to be prepared for injuries, keep track of who has been injured, and yell at Tsuan when your best player gets hurt, causing you to miss the playoffs.

12/21/86: Play of the week: Ken Oberkfell of the Manila Folders lined into a triple play and was injured for 4 games.

1/24/88: Joel Jacobs, one of the SOMBILLA’s founding fathers, has decided to resign from the league. Seven-year member, stalwart, pillar of stability Jacobs, claims he is doing this out of fairness to the league.  Now if this rock solid (admittedly losing) franchise owner decided he was bored, hated Strat-O, didn’t have the time, hated other league members, or would rather crawl over hot coals on his stomach than play in the SOMBILLA, we (the league) could buy his argument. But nooooooooo! Joel claims that his lack of energy input into operating his team is unfair to the league, and therefore he will withdraw. Let’s address this issue.

Does Joel really think he is doing us a disservice by being in the league? Do we abhor his presence?  What does Joel add to the league? We play Strat-O because we enjoy each other’s presence, the laughs over strange plays, friendship, getting off on the stats, etc.  Joel does not detract from any of this. In fact, Robin says she likes playing Joel more than anyone else, not for obvious reasons (actually she claims she does poorly against him) but because he’s the most easy-going opponent.  Does Joel really want eight gung-ho dynasty types? Do we really want 8 Tsuan & Andy’s? One Tsuan & Andy is enough.  They add something to the league, just as Eric or Matt or Joel add something to the league.  Now, I admit nobody likes losing.  But there’s nothing about Sardukar that 1 hour of draft preparation couldn’t take care of.  I’m not asking you to change your managing or become a newly diligent owner.  We know that’s not feasible. I do think if you study the draft preparation list for 1 hour, and take the draft seriously, you can help your team immensely at little cost or effort to you.  Therefore, instead of taking the easy, gutless, sleazy, spineless step of quitting the league, I ask that you prepare for the draft for 1 hour. That’s all you have to do – managing is easier, and your team wins more when you draft better.

Therefore, for reasons specified above, the league refuses to accept Joel’s resignation.

(By the way, if Joel goes 4-12, he will break the all-time record for worst winning percentage.)

1/30/88: Joel promises to consider reconsidering withdrawal.

2/15/88: Joel still thinking

2/28/88: Will Joel desert his friends?  Joel Jacobs, stalwart, pillar of stability, lovable, admirable, role-model, The Great One, will be making an announcement regarding his future friendship with all of us.  Please, Joel, don’t leave!!!!

(Ed note: as noted on the website, Joel decides to move on with his life).

11/20/88: Future Wax hits a farcical 20 homers – Commissioner outraged!  Is this ‘twisted’ team ‘ruining the league’? (or are we all jealous?)

2/15/89: Down to the wire: slim North Dakota hopes rest upon wife

1/7/90: ‘Mellor Magic’ – surprising LH’s take hold of 4^th place, can they really do it?

1/28/90: Frustration setting in: Tsuan refuses to play North Dakota, refuses to return phone calls to league or co-manager.  Commissioner outraged: “We will take action”

From the pre-season newsletter 10/28/90:

11/27/90: Commissioner takes Boston job.  League to remain Boston-based for at least two years.

(Ed note: after graduating law school in 1990, I was certain I’d get a Maine lawyer job, and Robin and I were ready to move.  It was not to be).

1/9/91: Who is this Dan Pasqua? That Dan Pasqua of Future Wax leading the league with 33 rbis and third with 11 homers has done it in only 66 at bats. He is also hitting .379.  His stats projected to 594 at bats are 99 homers and 297 rbis

1/23/91: Mellor Magic again!  Harold wins 13 of 16, guns for 2^nd

2/16/91: SOMBILLA to invade Worcester County. Residents flee!

12/3/91: Eric has changed his team’s name again, adding an ‘e’ to Fredonia, one month after dropping the ‘e’ and one year after Matt dropped an “l” from Manilla.

12/10/91 The league would like to publicly apologize for falsely accusing Clint of leaving Sam Horn in against a lefty, causing him embarrassment among his peers, and a scolding from Jed. While no court case has yet decided whether it is libelous to falsely accuse someone of ‘Horn-leaving’, the league is voluntarily making a contribution to the Joel Jacobs School for Strat-O Managing Strategy in Clint’s name.

10/25/92 (pre-season issue): Arnie (revised from Arni, as in Andy to Andrew)…Good news and bad news on the stadium front: While the team has been able to lease a parking lot in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, for the first 18 games, work on the state of the art (400 capacity) stadium in Gackle has neem stopped by a group of picketers calling themselves “Gacklonians for an end to mediocrity”)

11/22/92 – In the wake of Jed’s winning 3 of 4 from the Hatchbacks, Dave has filed an official protest because he “didn’t get to play against Clint”.  The League is investigating…Moose Jaw’s 17-game lease for the parking lot has expired and the owner of the lot has decided not to renew the lease.  Desperate for a field, the team has accepted an offer to promote marijuana paraphernalia in Holland and will be known as ‘Amsterdam’ indefinitely.

12/6/92 – Andrew has arbitrarily changed his team’s name to Bismarck.  While it cannot be proven, there is suspicion that this change was made solely to confuse league members into thinking that the North Dakota franchise (currently operating as Amsterdam while its stadium is under construction) is floundering, rather than ‘Future Wax’.  Given that the change was made in the middle of the North Dakota/Moose Jaw/Amsterdam’s sweep of Future Wax, the vindictive name change theory is quite probable.

12/31/92 – North Dakota/Moose Jaw/Amsterdam is mobilizing its army to surround the Bismarck franchise and forcibly remove them from the state.

1/10/93 Name change – Bismarck has resumed playing as Future Wax; Nomadic North Dakota after a league record 13 years in one place, has been unceremoniously booted out of Amsterdam in a drug scandal and was forced to find its 3^rd home this season on short notice.  The only available field was in Greenland, hence the new name.

This study was suggested by someone (I think Eric) at the draft. A look at the last pick in every draft. Without even examining the list, I can think of one player who stands tall above the others. Do you know who it is? Here is the list:

 Yes, I definitely got lucky with Hall of Famer David Ortiz. I do remember that with that last pick I wanted to take a flyer on a slugger and that Big Papi had the highest projected OPS and slugging percentage of any player still available. It wasn’t a particularly eye-popping projection; a player with such a projection would have been long gone. In researching this study, I was surprised to find out that the Minnesota 2000 David Ortiz card made my team in ’01-02, batting .182 in 55 AB with 1 HR and 2 RBI. (Real David Ortiz batted .282 for the Twins that year with 10 HR.) I also remember that I was planning on cutting Ortiz at the 2003 draft (need that roster spot!) until the Red Sox signed him on January 22, 2003. So I figured I’d give him another chance since he was now a Red Sox. The rest is history.

Behind Big Papi, I think Land’s Jason Giambi is a distant second as best last pick ever. Jed’s Carlos Gomez is 3^rd. He was an all-star twice, won a gold glove and played for Jed through the 2014 carded season (’15-16) – six years. He also played for CN after Jed finally cut him.

In fourth place, a tie between Robin’s Josh Reddick, who played 13 years in the majors and Jed’s Chuck Nagy.

Worst pick: From the first Mr. Irrelevant study, back in 2005: When Joel drafted Don Sutton with the last pick of the 1987 draft, the guy was 42, and Joel was about to end his affiliation with the SOMBILLA. To me, that’s the worst Mr. Irrelevant pick. Although there were plenty of swings and misses on this list, at least everyone else was trying.

It seems to me that if we’re going to focus on the last pick of the draft, shouldn’t we also look at the first pick in the draft, which is clearly more important?  Although many of these players had great careers and ended up in the hall of fame, more would be perceived as busts.

All-star team of first picks overall:

C – Buster Posey

1B – Miguel Cabrera

2B – Greg Jeffries

SS – A-Rod

3B – Evan Longoria

OF -  Ken Griffey Jr.

OF – Manny Ramirez

OF – Bryce Harper

DH – Frank Thomas

P – Dwight Gooden (with Schilling #2?  Maybe don’t choose pitchers first overall?) Too soon for Ohtani

Worst first pick overall?  Phil Plantier. He was a mutant who batted .331 with 11 homers in 175 AB. Although he played 8 years in the majors, he was never usable again, finishing with a lifetime batting average of .243. Remember the toilet seat crouch?  Brett Lawrie comes close to Plantier.

 Ages in the SOMBILLA [8/22]

Who has the oldest team in the league? Who has the youngest team?  Does it matter? It stands to reason that the youngest teams should improve in the near future while the oldest teams will have to retool. Is that true? Since this is the first time I’ve done a study like this, we have no historical data to analyze. And no, Eric, I’m not going to research that. We’ll have to relook at this list in a few years.

I got the idea after realizing that in my draft this year, I drafted a lot of old guys (under the philosophy that I’d rather draft someone who’s good instead of someone who is young.)

Looking at each team’s 45-man roster, here are the results (ages as of 7/1/22):

Eric has the youngest team in the league, although Jed is close. Eric has 8 players 24 and younger, most in the league. Meanwhile, as I predicted, North Dakota has the oldest team, with only 1 player 24 and under sadly.

But what about teams for the upcoming year? That is, ignoring unusable prospects and other players on your taxi squad, who has the oldest and youngest players?

Using the computer’s choices for each team’s 26-man roster here are the results for each franchise’s upcoming Strat-O Team:

Of course, the computer is not 100% accurate in choosing everyone’s 26-man roster, but it’s good enough for a study like this. The league average is a little older, which makes sense. These are established good players not just hopeful prospects. But the overall order is close to the first one. North Dakota is still the oldest team, Jed and Eric still have the two youngest teams. Harold has the most extreme aged team with 10 of his 26 players old or young, rather than mid-career.

Ranking the Greatest SOMBILLA Trades of All-time [8/21]

This study piggybacks on two summer studies previously done. Back in 2010, I compiled a list of all SOMBILLA trades in league history.  If you are reading this on your computer you can see it here:

http://SOMBILLA.x10.mx/studies.htm#attr

Then, I updated this list in 2016: http://sombilla.x10.mx/studies.htm#tradeu

So, for this new study, I’m going back through these lists, adding in trades post-2016, and helped by any comments and observations from the first studies, I subjectively went through and have ranked the top 20. 

Of course, for every great trade there is someone on the other side of the ledger who made a shitty trade.  So, this is also a ranking of the shittiest trades in league history.  Two sides of the same coin.

These are totally subjective, of course; we could always put this to a vote.  But here’s my take.  These will be done countdown style:

20.  11/16/15: Oceanus and the Smoking Loons have agreed to terms on a trade that will send Troy

Tulowitzki to Oceanus in exchange for Xander Bogaerts.  Tulo faded quickly and was essentially out of baseball in two years.  Xander is now one of the best [Robin: and cutest] SS in baseball.

19. 1/15/13: Cheddarmen traded their 1st round pick (April 2014 Draft -- 2013 Cards, became Shelby Miller) for CN's closer (Papelbon) and starting right fielder (Pence) - a steal for Eric, and helped get him into the World Series and several playoff appearances.

18. 3/26/99: About a week before the draft, Jed & Clint acquired Jose Offerman and a 3rd round pick (became Mike Caruso) from Constantinople for a 2nd round pick (became Bobby Abreau) and a 6th round pick (became Howry). Abreau played for 15 more years. Snicker.

17.   11/85: Joel receives Lloyd Moseby from FW for Chris Bando (a steal, per Twits Notes).  Moseby had 6 more productive years.  Who was Chris Bando? [Robin: Sal’s lesser known sibling?]

16. June 1979: Arnie trades Gossage and Carew to Jed for someone named Jerry Martin and 3 other nobodies.  The trade helped Jed make it to the first SOMBILLA World Series.  It’d rank higher except that it was before the permanent league.

15.  Feb 1994: BC trades Dennis Martinez and a 6th round pick (Amaral) to FW for a 2nd round pick (Sean Berry). Martinez won two games for Randy in the SOMBILLA World Series against ND, and this trade precipitated marital strife for two years.

14. Draft Day 2001: Kevin Brown to Harold from Jed & Clint for a 1st, 5th & 7th in both the 2001 and 2002 drafts. This was a huge trade at the time. But the 2001 picks became Dempster & Lugo (they could not use the 7th round pick, having exhausted their 10 picks beforehand). And because Jed & Clint’s team, BiG DiG was contracted out of existence, they never got to use their 2002 picks either (Harold did forfeit his 2nd , 6th and 8th round picks in the 2002 contraction draft).   Meanwhile, Kevin Brown gave Harold three great years as one of the best starters in the league.

13. 4/14/20: Attempting to acquire as many players ending in "inger" as they can, North Dakota announces the acquisition of Mike Clevinger from Oceanus.  In exchange, North Dakota sends Nelson Cruz, German Marquez, a 4th round draft pick, an 8th round pick (the one previously acquired from Oceanus), 2 bags of baseballs, three dozen bats, and a batting cage to Oceanus.

Nelson Cruz continues to be one of the best hitters in baseball, Marquez is an all-star and Clevinger has Tommy John surgery.

12.  1/26/16: "What Eric Said"? (now "What Eric Said?") acquired Justin Turner and an 8th round pick (became Dan Haren) from North Dakota in exchange for a 3rd rounder (became Andrew Chafin).  Turner helped WES win the World Series that year and gave Jeff several great seasons.  And he was an all-star this year.

11. 3/6/16: “In its third, yes, third! trade of the season, Bay City acquires Moustakas from New Orleans for Kenley Jansen (thus purging its bullpen of all Jansens/Janssens, as Casey was cut last year), enabling the Moose to rejoin many of his real-life Royals teammates on the BC roster.” 

 Jansen is one of the best relievers in the game.  Robin should have stopped at two trades.

 10. 1/26/16: North Dakota trades Corey Kluber to Oceanus for Archer and a 6th round pick (became Travis Shaw) (the worse of Jed's two potential picks). Kluber gave Jed 4 great years. [Robin: But Archer spent time as the Cutest Man in the SOMBILLA]

 9.  1989: Rickey Henderson, ND to Jed for G. Bell, Seitzer, and Shelby.   Henderson was a stalwart for Jed for over 10 years.  Two of the three traded for him were one-year wonders.

8. Draft Day 2003: There was a blockbuster trade on draft day. Matt and Jed traded Jim Edmonds and E. Chavez to RAT for B. Giles, Kendall, D. Lee and a first round pick (which was used to draft Eric Hinske). Edmonds then won back to back SOMBILLA MVP Awards and one championship for RAT.

7.  1/24/10: ND sends Josh Hamilton to FW for Nelson Cruz, ND.  After FW won the trade early (with Hamilton having an MVP-type season), 11 years later, Cruz is still one of the best hitters in baseball, while Hamilton flamed out quickly, but see #13 above.

6.  1994: Dwight Gooden, Greg Jeffries and A. Watson to Jed & Clint from T&A for Piazza and Pedro Martinez. At first I thought it was THE Pedro Martinez and ranked this trade #1.  In fact it was a different Pedro Martinez (a usable but obscure lefty reliever for San Diego.  In the 1994 draft both Pedro Martinezes were available. I remember when Andrew drafted THE Pedro Martinez in the first round, and I asked him which Pedro he was drafting and he scoffed at me).

Anyway, while Jeffries gave Jed several good years, Mike Piazza was 25, won 2 SOMBILLA MVPs and gave Future Wax 10+ great cards and is in the Hall of Fame.  Along with THE Pedro he helped Future Wax to not only win 2 SOMBILLA championships, but set the SOMBILLA record for consecutive playoff appearances (15 – from 1993-2008).

5.  11/86: Robin trades Kirby Puckett to Jed straight up for Andy Hawkins! At the time of the trade, Puckett had 4 career MLB homers.  He ended with 207 MLB homers 10 years later and is in the Hall of Fame. [Robin: But did face charges of “fondling” and suffered an early death].

4.   Draft Day, 1979:  Tsuan acquires Reggie Jackson from Arnie for two ballpoint pens.  Reggie helped Tsuan win the first SOMBILLA Championship.  The only reason this doesn't rank higher is that it was before the permanent league and thus just for one season.

3. Summer 1994: Key, L. Smith, Bordick and a 4th round pick from Arnie to Dave for Larkin and B. Williams.  With 1’s up the middle (Alomar, Larkin, B. Williams), this trade helped North Dakota to 3 SOMBILLA Championships.  And Larkin is in the Hall of Fame.

2.  2/5/1994: Clemens, Eric to Arnie for two first round picks (became McMurtry and Hamelin).  This trade, along with the trade above with Dave, helped set up North Dakota for 3 championships in 5 years.

1.  1988: Durga trades Barry Bonds and a 6th round pick (became Leiter) to FW for a 2nd round pick (became Ron Gant) and Kevin McReynolds, altering the course of the SOMBILLA for the next 20 years. Bonds won 4 SOMBILLA MVPs, helping Randy, Andrew, and Tsuan win 5 SOMBILLA championships.

This is Part 1 of going through old newsletters in the attic.  Next summer, I'll dig up old newsletter headlines (such as “Who is this Dan Pasqua,” “Another bad start for Jed,” “Tsuan pays up!”) and good lost Twits Notes not already posted to the website.

For this summer, it's all about the Summer Newsletter. This study is a little personal.  Not really much of a study, more of a documentation of personal milestones.  For most years, as a heading for the Annual Meeting Minutes I used “Thoughts While …..” and completed the phrase with something going on in my life that summer.  I actually stole this from Peter Gammons.  Some of you may recall he did the same thing for parts of his Sunday Baseball column in the Boston Globe, although his were typically baseball related.

The first summer newsletter as we know it now was dated “Summer 1986.”  It had no title (just “THE SOMBILLA”) and no “Thoughts while....” (just “League Meeting – April 6, 1986).   1987's summer newsletter was similarly untitled and dated “Summer 1987.”  But it had the first meeting notes label “Thoughts While Tanning.” It contained an impassioned diatribe against the new rule limiting starred starters to 50% of innings (previously they had been unlimited), a report on the new ballpark rule we just adopted, a note on Robin’s and my move to Watertown, and a blurb called “On the Barbecue Circuit,” where I reported that Eric randomly met up with former SOMBILLA manager John Dudek at a friend's cookout.

1988's Summer newsletter was the first one not handwritten; it was typed on my new electronic typewriter. Still untitled and not specifically dated.  Unimaginatively, it still used “Thoughts While Tanning” to summarize the meeting.  It also contained the article “Tsuan Guruism,” a copy of which is on the website: articles (x10.mx)

1989's summer newsletter was still untitled and not specifically dated, but I did change the meeting summary title to “Thoughts While Jet-Skiing.”

 The 1990 summer newsletter was the first one with a title (“Annual Swimsuit Summer Issue”) and first one with a date (August 1990).  So, without further ado, here are the titles of all SOMBILLA Summer Newsletters and the title of the meeting minutes contained within:

The Last Five Years [8/21]

For the final summer study, I had the computer choose each franchise’s best players over the past 5 years (including the upcoming season based on the 2020 cards). No duplicate players allowed – so Tom doesn’t get 5 Mike Trouts and Randy doesn’t get 5 Max Scherzers, etc.  Whichever version of the player was drafted first by the computer makes the team.

Of course, nobody is interested in looking backward, everyone wants to know how the upcoming ’21-22 season will shake out, weird new rules and all.  I think the computer was prejudiced against the 2020 cards because it thought everyone was a limited mutant, no matter how good.  The expected number of players chosen would be 5 (using a 25-man roster based on 5 different seasons), but the average was just over 2.  It is what it is.  For what it’s worth, here’s a list of all the 2020 carded players whom the computer chose to make each franchise’s all 2016-2020 team:

Bay City:  B. Keller, S. Perez

Constantinople: M. Gonzalez, L. Gurriel

Future Wax: J. Hahn, D. Lamet

Haiku Aggression: none

Neverwinter:  M. Fried, L. Giolito, K. Maeda

New Orleans: none

North Dakota: S, Bieber

Oceanus: T. Rosenthal

So, what would we predict?  Well, we’ve only played 4 of the 5 seasons.  For what it’s worth, here are the 4-year records for the franchises:

                    W    L   Pct  Championships

North Dakota      131   93  .585       1

Future Wax        123  101  .549       1

Oceanus           116  108  .518

Neverwinter       111  113  .496       1

New Orleans       108  116  .482

Constantinople    103  121  .460       1

Haiku Aggression  103  121  .460

Bay City          101  123  .451

But for this league, that might be misleading.  5 Mookie Betts’s and 4 Jake deGroms aren’t going to be allowed to play.  For this study, teams whose best players were spread out among the 5-year period will do the best.  Also, there’s no way to know how the ballparks chosen for each team will affect the actual final roster.

OK, enough with the foreplay.  Let’s let the 5-year franchise all-star teams have at it.  The rosters were only 25 men, so I had the league set up for no injuries and for the computer to “Try to Limit Overusage”.  Here are the final regular season standings:

LEAGUE STANDINGS FOR 2021 SOMBILLA Last 5

                            WON LOST  PCT   GB  MAGIC#

2021 Future Wax WAX          93  75  .554 ----  *WON*

2021 Constantinople CON      88  80  .524  5.0       

2021 North Dakota NDK        87  81  .518  6.0       

2021 New Orleans NEW         87  81  .518  6.0        

2021 HaikuAggression HAI     86  82  .512  7.0       

2021 Oceanus OCE             85  83  .506  8.0       

2021 Bay City BAY            74  94  .440 19.0       

2021 Neverwinter NEV         72  96  .429 21.0       

LEAGUE LEADERS FOR 2021 SOMBILLA Last 5